While at school back in 2009, we would watch films that inspired us to raise our own bar and creativity.  I’ve said before that Pixar has always been my inspiration, however a fellow classmate of mine, Jason Roberts led me to a phenomenal piece by a present day renaissance man: Carlos Lascano.  His work, a mixture of live action, photographic and cg elements combined together take you on a visual journey all within a short film.  I watched a Love Story in Stop Motion repeatedly appreciating Lascano’s textural and painterly style.  A huge inspiration, so I tried to encorporate that feel in my work along with Pixar’s stylistic modeling.

After graduating school, I sent off an email and my scant portfolio to Mr Lascano, offering my skills for his creative call.  A response wasn’t expected, so I made a point to mention that I was a huge fan, thanked him for his inspiration and that I’d be following his future successes.  That was back in November.  Today, while at work at Pixar, I received a surprising reply from the man himself asking to speak to me about working for him on an upcoming project!  This must be a joke, I thought, but then I noticed his personal email signature as well as my original message appended to his response. He asked “do you use Skype or Messenger?” neither of which I use.  I wanted to open up an account right there and then.  Still, much shock went through me at the fact that he even saw my work and second that he actually liked it!  This was completely unexpected! I was so ecstatic!  However, overwhelming emotions came to a sudden halt coming to the realization that I could not work with him.  I signed a contract with Pixar, my dear Pixar, for one year.  There is no way that I could carry on both projects for legal and personal reasons.  I felt like I would be betraying Pixar.  I made a promise to myself that I would give my 110% attention to them as it was always a dream to work for them; I couldn’t let them down.  They’ve given me a chance of a lifetime.

So I explained to Lascano my current situation.  It thoroughly breaks my heart to decline the offer.  The chance to work directly for a man of his talents would be a dream come true.  I asked him perhaps if in a year I am available I could contact him again.  The response just went out to him… Sigh, they say heartbreaks heal over time, so as of now it still feels fresh for me.

Hopefully that window will still be open for me one day.

Thank you Carlos, thank you!

a moment after the greatest night of Remy's life.

my demo reel is already 6 months old, but a lot of people are still asking me how it is that i chose the two environments that i modeled for my demo reel.  and did it play a huge factor in getting the job at PixarCanada?

first off, i don’t really know how i got the job at PixarCanada, i’d like to think it was a lot of hard work and a lot of heart that went into my demo reel and they recognized that.  my explanation below should cover it.  and all i can say is just keep applying!

well, the scene in thailand was actually an assignment for my maya class.  it was a major end of first term project with the potential for demo reel material. Tam Huynh, my ever talented and inspiring instructor eyed the rooftop garden scene out of all the photos i got off the net.  he also gave me tips on lighting since i wanted to do something different from the reference photo.  and because of that i dedicate that scene to him.

the other scene was modeled after an alleyway from ratatouille.  in my opinion, this movie was extraordinarily different from any other Pixar movie.  the lighting in it was stunning thanks to the phenomenal lighting direction of Sharon Calahan, my biggest inspiration and the woman i hope to one day meet.  i found the concept art from “The Art Of Ratatouille”.  that movie alone had a huge impact on me not just visually, but personally, that i simply had to make an homage .

the movie came out in 2007, a time in my life when i knew i wasn’t happy with my career.  for 7 years i had been taking blood from patients for a living… but that was the problem: i felt like i wasn’t living.  the job was repetitive, without any room for creativity; we strictly had to follow protocols or SOP’s: standard operating procedures.  deviating from them could get us into trouble.  and wielding a sharp implement to stab people became numb to me.  trust me, i was great at it , but never even really phased me.  what i really loved was modeling stuff.  i had an intro to maya textbook from when my husband Allan went to 3d school.  i gave it a try, loved it and got hooked!  i mean, sure i just made a bouncing ball and a toy box, but wow, something in me really woke up.  i used to be artistic when i was a kid, and she wanted to come back after all these years.  so now i knew i wanted to work in 3d!

where was i?  oh yes, 2007 was definitely a crossroads.  a lot of things going against me.  we had a mortgage, bills to pay, and an unstable 3d work field had Allan in and out of contracts. there was also the age issue: i knew i’d be older than all the people in my class and most likely even my instructors.  also, not to mention the on going pressure from both sides of our family for me to have a baby.  but i had to give 3d a try.  the feeling of emptiness left me feeling so miserable.  i didn’t want my future child (if i ever even have one) thinking that it’s ok to give up on your dreams.

there was yet another obstacle: all the schools had requirements mainly a portfolio, which i didn’t have.  so i had to learn to draw again after all these years, training my brain to see things differently. it was actually fun because after work i’d go to art class!… (and sometimes i’d even skip out of work to take a 3 hour class in the afternoon).  only a handful of people knew about it.  it was like i was living two different lives.  i remember feeling so alive, so hopeful.

so eventually, applications went out… then responses were mailed back.  some schools that i applied to rejected me, or put me on a wait list because my portfolio wasn’t good enough or lacked potential.  some schools required some kind of art background already.  others that i really wanted to go to were waay too expensive and would’ve taken a few years to complete.  i didn’t even dare to apply especially since they were considered “world renowned”.  this was not going so well… it felt like it just wasn’t going to happen.  what was i thinking?  no one would ever take me seriously.  should i just give up?   many weeks went by with this pit in my stomach, that i was doomed to take blood for the rest of my life.

to cheer me up, Allan took me to the movies.  so i sat in the theatre to watch “Ratatouille”.  i love Pixar movies, they really are my inspiration to get in to 3d.  but their stories are those that set them apart from other studios; it makes them timeless, classic.  this one was a simple story about a rat who wanted more to life than what he was already doing.  hmmm… i could totally relate.  he was inspired by humans who don’t just “survive”, but rather they discover, and create! and there was a female character in the film Colette: the only female chef in the restaurant who had to work her way to where she was.  a similar environment in the 3d world i hear, so her story is also relatable.  but it was really Remy’s story that i understood and there were a few moments when he listens to his mentor, Gusteau’s words:

you must be imaginative, strong hearted.  you must try things that may not work.

and you must not let anyone define your limits because of where you come from.  your only limit is your soul.

it felt like he was talking to me.  chills went down my back as i continued to watch.  but overall, the most self assuring moment of the film came with Anton Ego’s words:

by the end of his speech, my eyes swelled with tears.  it solidified my decision.  i could be an artist!  i could be “the new”!  so i went full force and kept working on my portfolio until someone would accept my application…  and there BCIT was.  and the rest is still a story unfolding as we speak as i start as “the new” with PixarCanada.  in that scene, the various characters lay in their beds unable to sleep after a momentous night but how would everyone else react?  they lay there with wonderment, anxiety and hope.  i can relate as i’ve had a few of those nights myself.

in hindsight, i realized remy and i had one more thing in common.  throughout the beginning of the movie, he would look upon the pages of Gusteau’s book “Anyone Can Cook”.  he would turn the pages fondly even though he knew the book by heart i’m sure.  not only did it give him comfort, but it served as a continual source of inspiration for him.  throughout my year at BCIT, i lugged my “Art of Ratatouille Book” everyday turning the pages and get inspired by the concept art.  it was surely something to aspire to.  had it not been for that book, i might have come up with a totally different demo reel, then perhaps Pixar might not have noticed my work and would never even hire me.  but i did have the book, and i did model that particular scene.  funny thing though, i modeled that well before we even knew they were setting up a studio here… funny how everything just came to be.  though it is an homage to Pixar, i dedicate it to Allan, for letting me go on this journey of self-discovery and in the end i managed to find myself as i continue to go on this great adventure.

]]> http://jupabcit.wordpress.com/2010/04/25/on-ratatouille/feed/ 0 jupabcit remy http://jupabcit.wordpress.com/2010/04/07/thoughts-of-an-apprentice/ http://jupabcit.wordpress.com/2010/04/07/thoughts-of-an-apprentice/#comments Wed, 07 Apr 2010 05:02:23 +0000 jupabcit http://jupabcit.wordpress.com/?p=225 ]]> what would be the best birthday present for me? to my surprise it has already been given to me in the form of a year-long apprenticeship at Pixar Canada. the day before my birthday i will be introduced to the world that i had been dreaming of and worked hard for. never in my wildest imagination that my may 9 2009 post would ever come true.

though school was rough with long nights and multiple deadlines, it does not scratch the surface of the many layers that will be ready for me to discover: new software, pipelines and scripts all waiting for me to learn. it seems i am a student even after bcit, though now i have Pixar as my teacher (and i’m getting paid for it).

the good news was announced to my family first (to their great surprise since i never told them of my month-long ordeal of multiple interviews and waiting for a response). i just did not want to disappoint them and repeatedly go through the crushing pain of explaining to each and everyone of them if Pixar were to reject me. i also thanked my teachers for all their help in getting me to where i am and soon to be. and now my fellow classmates are congratulating me on my new adventure. the teachers and classmates definitely helped me all along the way. and somewhere out there my Nanay and dad (rest their souls) were there guiding me to windows and doors of opportunity that God has opened for me.

a lot of emotions have run through me since Pixar called and hired me… shock: disbelief that my dream would ever come true so soon. excitement: in the thought that i’ll be working with talented people on something that i truly love. relief: that finally someone wants to hire me months and months after graduation… which leads me back to excitement again with the fact that Pixar is giving me my dream!

but there’s one emotion that i can’t deny. and that is fear. and on many levels.

first, there was the fear of my husband’s reaction. he has been in the same industry for over 7 years and had been in and out of contracts, working for smaller companies. the fact that my first job would actually be my dream job could’ve easily caused resentment. luckily, the exact opposite happened: he was completely overjoyed screaming with excitement, but most of all he was so genuinely proud of me, something that i strove to do ever since i went back to school. i owe everything to him for letting me take this risk, changing careers. i’m very lucky to have his support. with that fear extinguished… there’s yet another…

sometimes i feel like i’m back in high school again. i once had the opportunity to join the art department until someone who was supposed to be my best friend said to me: “do you really think you’re good enough?”. my excitement quickly deflated with those words and i questioned my skills -or so called “talent”- and since then those words have been my demons to this day. i never realized until school that as an artist, the fear of criticism comes with the territory. we put our hard work and hearts out there for others to see and they either do two things: appreciate it or judge it. funny enough, at school we had “critique class” where our instructor gives an assignment to work on and at the end he critiques it, verbally ripping it apart in front of the whole class on a big screen. i usually don’t show my artwork to other people unless it’s for an interview, or family… and even then i’m out of my comfort zone. so for me, it was an ulcer inducing experience. in hindsight, i’ve come to the conclusion that this experience will do me the greatest service as i enter a world where directors will be picking apart my work in order to achieve their standards. at least now, my skin has been toughened up a bit for their stinging criticism and… my job… is to fix it. deadlines know no fear.

of course, with this new journey there is fear of the unknown. will they like me? will i like them? can i learn their software? can i be more technical, not just artistic? and, what will happen after a year? i can only hope and pray for a long, productive and successful career with Pixar. what are the chances that they’ll adopt me permanently, because i’m sure i will never want to leave them.

fear can be gripping, stopping you in your tracks. it has held me back for most my adult life. slowly i’m shedding that fear. but i know i have to retain some of it because for me fear now is what keeps me thinking “is this good enough?” and pushes me to do better. without some fear you get too comfortable which doesn’t contribute to creativity. If you can find a path with no obstacles, it probably doesn’t lead anywhere.

sigh… well… my final thought as an apprentice stems from the words of Anton Ego from “Ratatouille”:

not everyone can be a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere.

i’m far from being a great artist (i’ll leave that to the masters) but i can at least strive to become one and work alongside those that are. i thank Pixar for taking me in and letting me try because who would’ve guessed that this girl who takes blood for a living would be working for Pixar? come from anywhere, i tell ya, anywhere.

1: take a scene from 3drender.com and keep practicing my lighting and texturing; I was thinking of the museum or lighthouse.

2: take a scene that Allan offered to me that he partly modeled years ago (a cathedral), light and texture it, or

3:  start a completely new scene, a simple one, but one of my own design… I was thinking of family…then family tree.  It would be a literal “Family Tree”   I could make some Arboratoreum and model a massive oak tree.  Within the branches and twists and turns of the bark there would be faces embedded (sort of cryptic but not really).  I just think I really want to model faces without having to make a full body and have to rig them.

lately, I’ve been looking at real peoples faces on the bus, while shopping, at work etc… and there is such great material: different bone structure, face shapes, noses, chin and necks (or the lack thereof) that I think I could come up with some very stylized faces on the tree.  I’ll do some quick sketches and see what I come up with…

web.me.com/jpantoja

i still have to do some tweaking; macs can play all my media, but not pc’s.  let me know if there is a problem with anything i uploaded.

see you at industry night!

i posted some new pics (still wip) in the cg wip.  they are the 2 environments i’ve been working on.    my main goal was to have 2 totally different environments.  i guess a study of contrasts.  please feel free to post comments/critiques; anything would help since they are still in the works stage.  hope you enjoy them.

it will be a staff of 100 working on short films, something that pixar started out with back in the 80′s with luxo jr, tin toy etc…

i was reading the demo reel requirements on pixar’s website.  it sounds like they gravitate towards story based demos rather than environment reels.  what am i to do… i hate animating; it’s really not my forte.  how can i get a story across with environments… hmmm…

so here’s a question to all you out there: what field are you trying to get into: cg in video games? films? or something else…?  i’m in the terrible dilemma of not knowing which direction to get into.

video games have a lot of money as people continue to purchase video games for console, handheld, pc or cell phone use.  slowly the graphics are getting to film quality with better consoles, but my heart still wants to get into films.  don’t get me wrong i’d still love a job in games.  the problem is there are not enough film studios in town.  sure there’s rainmaker and other post production places.  what i want are more superstudios like pixar, dreamworks, or blue sky.

well, i guess the small studio that pixar is opening up is a good start.  wonder if they’d take juniors at all.  what are the chances pixar vancouver will even look at an environment demo reel from BCIT?  i’d even be happy for an apprenticeship.  ahh to dream.  anyways, it may pave the way for more film studios to come.  hmmm…

It’s been nice the last couple of Project Portfolio classes that we’ve been able to work on them and the fact that we can use playblasts or renders to show our storyboards/lyca reels (i’m finding drawing very frustrating when trying to portray a broad camera move). 

Little by little things are getting along.  The hardest part for me was trying to get good shots/scenes especially when the environment is pretty compact.  The suggestion was made by our tutor that that’s ok; it just allows for more attention to detail in tighter spaces… sounds cozy.

The night will be interesting at Radical, where we’ll be holding the event.  Design Essentials and New Media programs will be there too.  If it’ll be anything like last year, i’m sure the feeling of claustrophiobia will be going around (again sounds cozy).  the place was packed which is a good thing i guess.  exposure is important: the more your work is shown the more likely to be recognized.  good luck to everyone!